Thursday, December 13, 2012


I keep staring at your photo, 
waiting for something in me to attack. 
Something in me to fight, 
something in me to come out and say what I wanted to feel.

What I wanted to feel is,
not having this uncertain feeling,
of this forbidden love.

I ask,
wanting for the answer I wanted to hear,
but my heart take it back,
not allowing it to be said out loud.


Wednesday, September 26, 2012


I close my eyes. To shut all the images and colours. To gone black. Pause thinking, isn't black is also a colour. I closed my eyes even closer. Forcing it to disappear. But, forcing what? It is something in me, urge me to investigate the what. But a part of me, not so far apart, scare if I discover it, how will I feel.

Is it, really, feel nothing.

Or, is it, the end of the world.

But I always have this dream, where I was on the edge of a mountain. Wind brushing my face, ever so gently. I felt the birds greeting me, knowing my existence, singing to my heart. I heard the colours of the world, I see the satisfaction of life, with my eyes closed.

And..yes, I was on the edge of everything.

Dream a little dream,


The vital question is, why. 
I never write what I told myself to.

The never-keep-any-promises,

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

An honest journey of Lips & Wings (JV of two diff passion)

It's been how many month since I last blogged? (I know nobody care to remember nor calculate, so let's turn  it into a statement, not a Q). I hate to list down the reasons why I didn't blog like I used to. (No, its not because no one reads my blog). Not that I blog to impress people. *eh did I just said it loud what I said in my bracket heart? k nvm.*
   I blog because I want to keep what I wrote typed in Microsoft Word into something I would at least (once in every 6 months) care to read back. I would love to write more, but the thing about now is, I don't really have much time. Okay, no. Cut it off. I  have time, but I just used that time to do something else. Something I have pour my passion to. Which is, my Lips & Wings.
   So I think, in order to keep myself blog back, I decided that I should write an honest journey of Lips & Wings (so I would have a plotted diary, when my Lips & Wings going fame. Lol, big dream). It's like combine my two passions into one. Genius? I know!

Trial to a faithfuls blog,

Monday, August 6, 2012

Determination never wins

Reading other's blog, thinking..Y U no blog nymore?!

Well, honestly..blogging is never mean to be famous, for me. It's just where I think I can express things into words, or where I can pretend what I wanna be, without having people to comment (but I still appreciate ur comments!). The thing is, now, I'm quite occupy with my business world. All I can think about is, Lips & Wings..and food (in conjunction of this fasting 

Actually I have vowed to myself that I will not sleep after sahur all days during my working days! Figured that I could spent some tiny time to write. But guess, everyday's the same. I don't know where the heck my determination goes. Everytime I open Microsoft, I ended up in Google Chrome instead. But btw I did manage to write..a few..lines. =__________________=

Please write for yourself & ur future,

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Morning air in the big city

The morning air make me a little hopeless, spiritless. Same routine for almost three weeks. Wake up, shower, get ready, one 'goodmorning' tweet, office, home, shower, dinner, and then sleep. These had being replayed for quite a number of times for these few weeks. No excitement in tomorrow.
   I punched the elevator's button and waited until the door open. My floor is the 3rd highest floor, so the elevator's car was still empty. The atmosphere in the elevator was never pleasant, the silent of strangers make me wanna scream. The trying-hard-not-to-stare's attempt is making me suffocated.
  I has just being in this big city for three weeks, but I feel like my life is already being stroked. I feel so lifeless. Like someone has just pictured me wrong image, and once I realized, regret take over everything.

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Sometime..feet could be the killer.

Lorong belakang Darul Ehsan

One notification, Miza Colleague whatsapps-ed me asking where I am. We were planning to have breakfast together before our office hour started. Its my second day of intern. The nervousness of yesterday has gone. Just, the sigh of thinking of the long hours ahead at the office.
   Pulled the handbreak, and I slowly get out of the car. Feel like my body's battery had drained about 30%. I opened the bonnet to change my shoes. I stored all my handbags and shoes in the bonnet. Thank mum who had it perfectly arranged, like a wardrobe.
   Found the heels that match my office wear, I sat on the bench of the open bonnet. Remove my regular and loyal flat, and thrown it back in the bonnet. I tried the heels. That's when I came to realize.

Life is hard.
To be woman, is hard.

murmur of a tough woman

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

My first time story: Laughing gas

  "Okay. What is this? And what is this?" Peggie pointed out one finger and danced it like a worm, and then did the same with the other four fingers.
  We were sitting around a table messed with McDonald's Family Dinner box. Four burgers, nuggets, fries, two deserts, and three gas water all without paying a single cent. Black had kindly offered some of RM50 voucher, since all of us are generously broke. Not anyone brought more than RM5. Except me. I had RM11 with me. RM1 which was really mine, and the rest was from Black. He bought the bracelets I forced him to buy. That was kind of him, for supporting me. Since the bazaar I joined yesterday wasn't really a success. Counting in the loss of money to a clamping fine, and Mother's Day's present I bought for mum, what left in my pocket wasn't really that much.
  "Worm?" Black tried. Peggie and her brother, Jack shook their head. And Peggie faced me, wanting my guess.
  "If I were Black, I would answer, Penis." I joked. But I guess that wasn't really a good joke, cause no one laugh. I sigh, in my heart without letting out the sound. I have tried so hard to act normal, to chill, but failed. I can't, around Peggie. She's Jack's older sister, which was also my senior. And I have a lot of respect for her. That was why I always had the idea of behaving around her. Don't want her to think that I'm overreact or anything. I just desperately want her to like me. But I know, I'm not being me. Everyone around the table seem to notice my awkwardness. Jack even BBM-ed me privately, asked me something that make me realize everyone noticed my weirdness. 
  "No, This is Seahorse! Okay, now what is this?" Again, Peggie repeated her finger description. The five fingers dancing like worms, but now that she made it clear that it was actually seahorse.
  "Fingers?" Black tried again. Looking clueless. Then Peggie turned into me.
  "Seahorses?" I tried. Half hoping and half believed that that was the exact answer.
  "No. Five seahorses!" Peggie popped out the answer. Which made me think, wasn't my answer was 90% correct.
  "Okay. If this is pear? What is this?" Black's turn. He pointed one finger straight, and then turned it the opposite way, pointed it backward, behind his head.
  "Disappear!" Jack yelled out the answer. And we laugh. That was kinda lame. Everyone could guess it correctly, but not me. Cause I'm too busy controlling myself. I was with my Blackberry, looking like an anti-social.
  "If this is, Disappear, then what is this?" Mia continued the game. Hiding her pointed index finger behind her head, and then pointed it straight the opposite way, to the front of her eyes. Pointing us.
  Everyone thinking. Desperate of wanting to correctly guess. I was pretending I'm thinking, but most of what I was actually think was 'how to chill around Peggie'.
  "Reappear!" Mia break the curiosity without giving anyone a chance to guess. Once again, we were laughing at the 'If-this-what-then-what-is-this' game. I had to admit, it was a good hilarious game even it was simple and really kiddo. I had fun. And I think, I would had more fun if I try to chill.
  "Nice one!" Supported Jack. Still laughing.
  We finished all the food left, its already night. We were there since 6.
  "Okay, where should we go next?" Asked Black on our way to the basement. To his car.
  "Laughing gas!" Jack suggested. It wasn't so much places to go in a small town like this. Especially during night.
  And everyone supported the idea. I thought it was a joke, like a randomize plan that wouldn't accomplish. But no, they were seriously searching for pharmacy. I had never try it. The laughing gas. But Jack and Mia had told me how the thing effects and how fun is the effect. So I guess, I just have to try. Since their stories sound so exciting.
  Black parked his car in a closed and dark lake park. No shop was opened and certainly no car was near us. No nothing, just us. Just us the bunch of people that was excited with the fun that we were about to have.
  Peggie go first. She sprayed the cramp spray, which is to them, to most extreme and fun teenagers, known as, laughing gas on a tissue. They said it was supposed to be sprayed on a cloth, but since there was no extra cloth with us, a tissue might work.
  She inhaled in the tissue hardly, waited for a while but it didn't work. Frustrated she exclaimed the failure.
  Black immediately went out of the car, as if being the hero of the night, save the can of RM22 cramp spray. He was scrolling through his car's bonnet to find a newly shirt that was still in a plastic.
  Mia quickly sprayed the cramp spray, or the laughing gas, and suddenly, cover my mouth with it. I was shocked. Don't know what to do. It was my first time. I never tried it. I don't know how the thing work.
  "Fool. She don't know. You just wasted the spray." Scolded Peggie. She took the cloth from me and tried to inhale it. But nothing effect. I guess the sprays were really precious. And I was very stupid of don't know how to inhale.
  "You have to inhale it not with nose, but with mouth." Explained Peggie.
  "One shot?" I asked, really want to know. Not because really want to try it. But because I don't want to look like a loser, again.
  "No. Take how many shots you want." Kindly answered Black, who was sitting at the driver sit.
  After few sprays, Peggie immediately inhaled in the cloth, once again. And threw the cloth to Mia. After a few seconds, she was laughing so hard all of a sudden. Like everything is funny, even no one was talking at the time. And Mia's turn. She did the same, and joined Peggie's laugh. They look so amused. They look so high. These scene, was frighten me a bit. No, not a bit. A lot bits. I was beginning to wonder what this thing is, what this thing would done to our health and thing. I was so naive. I didn't say I was good, I didn't say I was a perfect daughter. But I had never tried cigar, what more, drugs. I'm beginning to doubt. The two girls were still laughing like a kids. I asked the boys.
  "Is this drug? Is this thing addictive?" I think I sounded so lame. Not naive. But I was really afraid. I don't do drug. Mum's advice popped up my mind. I don't know what to do if this thing really is addictive. Like drugs. And affect our health.
  "No. Its not. Its just fun. Its totally not addictive. Just, when you're with this bunch of kids, you'll like wanna do it over again." Black explained to me. I try to chill.
  "So its like good memories la?" I asked, to sound chill. 
  They sprayed for me my first trial. And I quickly inhaled it. Inhaled with mouth just like what Peggie instructed. Nothing changed. I tried again. And again. Until my head started to spin, vibrate. Everything around me quickly blurred. And suddenly I was in this one room, too much light, I can't see a single thing. But that I felt was just my spinning and vibrating head. I think my head was about to explode. It felt really dizzy, of the spinning brain and lights. And then everything moved so slow. I thought I were laughing. Cause my mouth like open, but the tiny part of my mind that was still functioning think, if this thing is fun, why doesn't I know that I am laughing now. I felt nothing. After a while, my head stopped spinning. And eyes caught my views back. The first thing I asked.
  "Did I laugh?" I looked at Mia. Blurred, and really want to know what just happened to me.
  Everyone were staring at me. Not laughing. And with this, I suspected, something was wrong with me.
  "No. You just lay there, do nothing." 
  "I just, I just forgot the way how to laugh." I was disappointed. Not because I failed. But because I knew I had to try it once again. And I wasn't really wanna try it over again. Not a good experience, for me.
  "That was funny!" Peggie started to laught back and continued "Its okay. Its normal for first timer. Jack also didn't laugh the first time he tried. It takes you a while to process. Couple more practice, then you're fine."
  I sighed. I just, don't want to try it again. But not trying would have mean, admitting I'm a loser and lame.
  All of them, continued the game. I watched them laughing madly. Peggie was laughing like a child, Mia was covering her mouth and laugh, Jack putted his hand over his face and laugh until no sound came out, and Black was already laying to Jack's lap, laughing so hard. When Mia and Peggie's effect lasted, they sprayed for me. Didn't fed up to let me try.
  "Don't stop it from coming. Just, let loose. Just, laugh." Taught Mia.
  I remembered her advices. When the effect triggered my brain, it vibrating like before. I let out the laughter. First, I forced myself to laugh. And then I can't stopped it from coming out. I just laugh uncontrollably. I wasn't in that bright room anymore. I saw Jack and Black. And I remember I was laughing. But I didn't know why I was laughing, or what I was laughing about.
  The night, was fun.
  It thought my life was fun before this, but my thought wrong. This, is the real fun. I tried few more shots. But somehow, I still wondered and worried of its effect. I coaxed myself that it was nothing. And it worth trying. But still, I should google the health effect of this fun.
  And I realize, I want to make sure of this very seriously because of few people that is important to my life: my mum and my boyfriend.
  I don't want to lose myself to fun.
  Glad, I have love to cure it.

P/s: Laughing gas is made of Nitrous Oxide. It could be used as recreational use
and its not very harmful
just don't try it too often

Monday, May 14, 2012


Helpless. My hands were on this keyboard since past hour, trying to form sentence but nothing came out. My brain stopped functioning. All the ideas seem too lame, all the words seem so kindergarten. I try to think what's good to dream of, but its like almost everything in this world is not worth fighting and dreaming of. Failed.
I wrapped my hands around the mug, feeling the warmness of the coffee. So ironic to the cold fresh morning. The sky was clear, it wasn't at all distracted by anything. So discord with my messed up mind. I think its the effect of last night hang over. I still not over it. Not yet. Or never will. Truth is, I really don't think I can write anymore. My head was fogging with heavy smoke. The brain inside my head was spinning and numb at the same time. Torned between the desperation to achieve something and the inability to achieve anything. 

From my Facebook's note,
Oin Wauhidus

Turning my life into novel. An attempt

I KNOW! I got this one good idea of how to start writing back! Since my inability to dream and come out with  ideas and topics have been a part of me lately, I have abandoned this blog for quite a long time. Well, its not all about blogging, its about the ability to write back. I love writing, I love words, but now, my fantasy seems to blur with reality. Or is it because reality has been so much better than fantasy this lately?
Maybe yea.
So this is why I decide, to turn my life into novel. Maybe this could be a track to run, or a stage to rehears, or an exercise book to scrabble the ideas.
Here we go! Me as the main character, and people around me as the important-roles-that-effect-the-main-character-which-is-a-main-character-themselves!

Practice honesty in words,

Dream, never lose it.

We dream, 
but sometime, it's just too hard to stay on the cloud.
We lose hope,
but sometime, when we see other's smile of success, we tend to stand back.

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Channel a bit of this blog to Tumblr

Hi obsolete blog! Sorry I have abandoned you. I'm not gonna create excuses. Yes, you can blame me for not even popping here to say hi for these 3 weeks! Truth is, I don't know if I can ever write well. I even promised you to attach some pictures of all the forlorn moment of you, but I never keep myself embraced with my words. I tried to manage few posts, but its all look suck. Real suck. Even the coordination of pictures are not accordingly.
But, I figured out some place that I could use to tag the photos. I have channel some of the photos to! Yayyy! See, I'm not totally a trickster of my own words!
In case you wonder if I'm gonna use Tumblr as my primary blog, NO. I'M STILL LOVE HERE.
I WILL STILL GONNA STICK HERE. But as for now, I might gonna need Tumblr help to keep all photos on track.


Monday, April 9, 2012

Typing skill, must've lost it somewhere

Type, backspace, type, backspace, type type (already work on the introduction), cntrl+A, backspace.

Okay, tell me how am I suppose to write anything with such a sloth of thinking. There are few entries in my draft that are left unfinished. All due to the lack of thinking capability. I think I must lost my brain somewhere. And what's inside my head, is just an empty disk.
I'm gonna try to write something (as if I never say promises like this a hundred times before) and hope someone will atleast notice that this blog is still alive.

Catching the writing groove,

Friday, March 23, 2012

Silence Inspiration

Somewhere, between the line of jealousy and admiration, has make a girl grown deniably inspired, which in very common situation will cause gossips/enemy.
Inside us, there is a silence inspiration that we will never have the urge to admit.  We would curse bad words to ourselves than admitting this silence inspiration of us. Especially if the inspiration is in our category or our competition.
Don’t deny it; you always stalk that girl Facebook. And you eventually will close tabs when your brother suddenly decided to pop in your room. Noisy brother acted pussy-like. Shouldn’t let him know what I’m doing.

Silence inspiration is like silence girl crush. That when it being revealed, we do rather kill ourselves for admitting.

Mine, (as I typing, I am deeply hope, she will not read it) is my junior back in high school. Don’t kill me or curse me for admiring a junior. Cause I had already curse myself thousand times, I am sure about this. Like why the heck I admire her. She flirted with my boyfriend (before we hooked up. But  yea, its still counted), have better look than me, fair complexion, can sing, play guitar, take tumblr-like photos and has a certainty better life and maybe future!
I hated all the points! I will have a good tour to find her flaws, but then if I found none, I will go all insecure.
As I think back, why did I still want to stalk her profile, why did I still want to keep update with her social life. The frank and manly reason is that it is because, deep inside, minus jealousy, I inspire her life. Okay a bit fake. I actually admire her, herself.

Come on!
Speak of the truth!
Un-bury your dirty little secret!

That's my little secret,
not because I watch porn, brother

Thursday, March 22, 2012

Spare me some time!

I was revising studying Professional Practice (for the 1st time, and its only happen because of exam tomorrow!) when I remembered I haven't done Data Analysis test. I am! Wasting a bit of my precious time to update the long-silence little diary of the unicorn!

I have lots to share! But wait until I'm done with all these papers I have to sit! Wish me luck! And and one more thing! Tomorrow is Papa's birthday! Please wish the man of my life (besides Hafiz) a good health! I need him. I need him to scold at me, I need him to go all mushy on me, and I certainty need him to complete my life. K that's it. See you soon after this sem ends, diary!

Exhausted little unicorn
Never Forever sleep

Sunday, March 4, 2012

Under cover Hero

People may say Papa don't love as much, but no. You're wrong. Why? Am not gonna prove it. Because I feel it.

Spare me

What is mentally technically wrong with my blogspot? The entry wouldn't appear. My new entry.
No, it's not my excuse to not blogging. I posted the note else where. And guess where, on Facebook. Which I don't really prefer. Have some time to check it out.

and yes, another short entry. =.=

Never turn down on life

Saturday, February 4, 2012

Saturday, January 28, 2012

Forever On Hold

How far can a mistake float you away? Simple thinking which seems perfect, but end up in something ugly that make us afraid to take a glimpse at it ever again.

One boy. One cute Mat Salleh look-alike boy with perfect smile, fullest eyes, big hands, robust chest and most irresistibly; sweet talk. One girl. One innocent girl with strong stance who just have nothing but her personality.

Have you ever been told to care less? Do what you like? Dance in the middle of the road? Kissing at the Pasar Malam? Just, be yourself. Be what yourself dreamt. Don't bother people, whoever.

Love seems so beautiful as pictured by Shakespeare. No, love is beautiful. Lust is a cheap dress that drown out colours and ruins all the fabrics that cumulated around it. Lust is magnificent and painful at the same time. Only true love can filter these two mixtures.

"I didn't memorize the lyrics, miss." Complaint a cute boy in an unusual outfit for a dinner party-- Baju Melayu. Seemed so lost in the hectic night.

"Ha? You what? You guys are next, right? Oh please please make some sense! We just have few more minutes!" Appealed the girl in charge for the performance that night. Began to panic with her 'surveillance'. Having to handle a big events by herself for the first time wasn't easy.

"Do you have pen?" The boy gave his innocent look. Irresistible and can't-be-yelled-of expression. Put the girl panic in hold for a while.

"Can you give me your autograph?" 

"What?" This is what this boy want a pen for? My autograph? Murmured the girl silently. So she thought the boy want to write the song lyrics he was about to sing. Without much question, the busy girl spend some of her time to sign the boy's notebook. She didn't realize she was smiling upon signing the autograph. Something unexplainable tickled her stomach, make her heart felt warm and cool at the same time.

"And, please also write your name, Facebook name, and phone number." Whispered the boy with his innocent face that he master of.

Flirt is basically an activity that will not leave effect on anyone, unless the characters involved are some kind of magic. The relationship between these two different gender wasn't stop there, that night.

The girl didn't leave her phone number because she was genuinely thought, a boy should find any possible way to get what he want if he really desired.

Short text from the boy welcomed a new relationship of these two people. New relationship that was fun, care-free, cool, romantic and blind.

They were so happy in their own world. From watching Titanic in Laptop at the parking lot, to warm and tight hug on the bed. They matched the car plate number to their resemblance, kidnap each other from the busy and pressuring life, sweet escape to somewhere only they know, sleep in the car when they had no money to rent a room.

Close and intimate wasn't a symbol of love. This is what the girl didn't understand.

So they were really close, spend each night share laughter together, but the boy never say those three words. Always avoid the topic. Leave everything hanging.










As close as they seemed, as confuse as the girl concern,

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Another Movie Night Out

We just got back from mid term break (don't ask me where I have been this whole week), and we were like, "haa dah lama tak tengok movie samaa!" Padahal baru seminggu tak jumpa.
cecehh padahal nak tangkap gambar popcorn.
dia yang lebih.
23:59 instead of Papa I Love You. Great movie!
Gerbang Malam, Ipoh!
Haaa ni tibatibaa! HAHAH
Hel and Eha

Some girls night out before Naura leaving
Am missing this not-so-awesome lady

To the future! To the sky!

Sorry, I have been neglecting this little diary of mine lately! I just have too much faint in Corbeille D'or, the boutique me and partner just started. And er I am hoping no one read my previous entry. Um Um I er, I, hm okay. I failed. I failed to write. Ha let's get back here! (lari topic.don't read the stroked through sentences). So we are going for Rasta Fashion Bazaar this Saturday!! It's my 2nd bazaar! Corbeille D'or 2nd bazaar! Wish for our success?! I'm seriously can't wait. And the promotion is getting better! Thanks people for the help! I was sooooo excited! that I almost yell at every sentence! Heeeeeee

see you this Saturday!
Rasta TTDI,

Am now yelling and dancing and dreaming,
Corbeille D'or founder