Thursday, March 3, 2011

Portfolio *proud proud. althou i dont really sure what portfolio is.


Throughout my 18years of journey, I haven’t thought much about my vision. I even Google translate what’s vision means, and have to ask my roommate what vision is all about.
          After stealing some times to flash back all the moment in my life, I decided to guide myself with some vision.
          I have been the undisciplined student in high school, for I hate rules as much as I hate vegetables in my lunch. Ibu always said, “Ain, hidup ni memanglah kena ada peraturan. Islam pun ada peraturan. Cuba kalau takde peraturan, habis lah semua. Ain kenalah ikut peraturan.” And I always made my stone-face whenever she said that. But however, what mum’s say is always true. I have to learn how to respect discipline! Only with that, I’ll be success, God-willing. I have to try to obey the Lord’s order, ibu and papa’s counsel, and lecturers’ errands, in return to be a successful person.
          People always tell me, being success is our goal. After encounter University’s life, I slowly agreed with them. I see passionate peoples surround me, with their own goal and target. I don’t want to leave behind. I want to be one of the successes Malaysian, like papa. I see few of my acquaintances that have to work extra hard to foot the increasing bills. They rarely live happily, although some saying claimed, money cannot guarantee a happy live. Okay, it is true, but not hundred percent true. How can you live happily with have to work extra hours, from am to pm. Will you able to spend your time playing with our children, one day soon God-willing, if debts and never-enough bank accounts are all what you care much. Oh so much to care, if you ask me. That is why I want to be success. I have to study hard!
          Years of residence in Chinese’s surrounded circumstance make me realize the real reason why Malays still sit in their comfortable position ever since Japans hand absolute power to us. I don’t want to be in that position, determinedly. I want to step the stairs to be the highest. I want to take the good quality in Chinese, where I see there are potential to compete with them. I am never-racist girl, I be friend with all races. It has to be our identities that scar our path. I don’t mean to imprecate Malays, sorry if I did. But I’m sick of seeing Malays that always talk about someone else’s flaw, I’m sick of have to feel shame on everything we do, to think of what people will say if we did the thing although we know that that thing is legal. That is what En Hafiz always said to us, “Buat apa nak malu? Ni, nak mengaku tak faham pun malu.” Yeah, I agreed with him although I’m one of his students that ashamed to admit I don’t understand. (I should change this attitude. I can’t be shame only to eat alone at the food court, I can’t feel humiliate only because I wear bundle cloth while the other wear Guess.)
          Njang, my uncle make me realize something. When I worked with him, he teaches me a lot about Malays’ common bearing. We observed all the races. I was amazed with some Orang Asli’s glory, they are capable to drive Hilux today. And who’s park beside their Hilux? Proton Saga owned by Malay. Oh it’s pathetic, if you ask me. Njang said, “Dah macam mana melayu? Orang kita duk sibuk mintak tanah dekat kerajaan, tunggu duduk diam sepuluh tahun. Orang Asli, Cina, dah guna masa sepuluh tahun tu tanam pokok, dah dapat hasil.” Yes, it is true indeed. I have to work hard on whatever job I did. Just like, when I had to sacrifice my holiday, working at that petrol station although the salary is few digits. I have to apply Chinese’s and Orang Asli’s determination in this concept.
          Lastly, I want to make Ibu and Papa happy. To me being here, is all about them. I never feel this much welcome before I had been accepted to study here. I saw hopes in Ibu’s and Papa’s eyes. Especially papa. He is the most hard person, I know in my life. But when I have been approved to study here, he give me all his attention. Making sure I’m all fine. Ibu calls me everyday and even buy me a new number, exclusively to call her. Thanks good God, for giving me this wonderful and supportive family. Alhamdulillah. I don’t want to invite tears and disenchantment in them, again. 


Ibu. Oh sure she will ask me, “Ya Allah, muka ibu macam ni ke Ain? Tuanya. Teruk betul kan?” Haha. I love you, ibu. You are not old at all, in my eyes. Although I always tell you, you are getting older and close to being the type of mum that don’t trust her daughter. I just poke fun at you, ibu. You are the best mum in the whole universe. And even the most inspired woman. Thanks for being my best friend, instead of a lovely mum. Believe me when I said sorry for not calling you within two days, I miss you as much as you do. Can’t wait to come home and tell you all about my days here, my classmates, my lecturers. I’m worry whether you are doing okay with your friends and businesses. Are they treated to nicely? Or some of them still take advantage on your quixotic? Ibu, I’m here doing the best I can. I don’t want to feel the clamorous when checking my pointer like last time. I want to confidently tell you, I’m doing okay in my examination.

Papa. He will only reply, “Herm,” when I ask him how do I look. Ehee.. Old papa. You are always act so cool to everything until Mektam babbling to me how uncared a boss like you supervised your employee. You are so cool about everything, they said. But not to me and adik. You are super-care, actually. Just the ego inside you, might be, hold the feeling back. You care about how’s my education goes, right? The prove, you have all my data from birth certification, upsr result, to my health result in your car bonnet. Although I never tell you before, you are one of the most inspired people to me. I want to be like you, hardly. I want to be success like you. Since I was a little girl, everyone told me, your dad is a successful man. He walked his way up to success without other’s help. I want to be like you, papa. I don’t want ptptn. I want to follow the road you walked. I want the learn it hard way. I knew you worried if my financial stable here. So you plan everything to me. Force me take ptptn, and promised me to settle all the payment immediately after graduation for me. Oh papa, thanks. Yea I know, I always disobey your order. But have you see this one particular time, I sacrifice my dream to be a writer because you told me I deserve better? Willing to be here, is my present to you. I believe in your plan, because you are the master in planning successful future. And I will study hard because I like would love to see your smile again like when I announce my pointer last time.

12122010457.JPGHafiz. He’s not only the Romeo in the name of love. He’s also the Ustaz that teaches me a lot about religion, the guardian that making sure my every moves is secure, the Superman that save me when enemies are threatened me, and the motivator when I’m feeling down. He teaches me all the things i failed to learn before this. He teaches me how to make Obu and Papa happy, how to appreciate things, how to let something go away peacefully, and pleased with whatever my achievements. He also gives me reason to study hard, to live each day happily and to smile within every tears.
Neqi, Aliff and Yamin. Without them, I don’t know who else to play cat-and-dog with, I don’t know who else will yell at me telling me to disappear. And who else will call me, ‘kak ain!!’. I love them so much, although I always tell them I hate them hanging in my bedroom. I know, I never be a sister to them. I always tell the wrong things to them, teach them to be cool instead of to be clever, and plan all sort of jest to ibu and papa with them. But honestly, I feel the bond there whenever we fight and teasing each other. I always try to be a friend to you guys. But somehow, ibu says, I have to be you guy’s role model. I have to show you guy’s my little naughty brothers, a good quality. I will come back home and show you guy’s my pointer(if only you know, what pointer is), and apart from that, I will always bring home cool stories about teens life here. In case you are worrying is study life here is as boring and stressful as the environment in our Chinese school 

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