How Confidence Has Changed My Life

Perfume? Huhh how cliche does it sound, Hanis. Come on, how can a girl be confidence with just few spray of perfumes? I used to own this mind. You know, how can people gain as much confidence. I'm so envy, seriously. T.T

Some girls, can just head out without any facial brand on their faces. Some girls, can just wear anything but still have people admired. Some girls, can just be everyone's favourite without doing anything! Damn, seriously how did they make it? Cologen? Botox? Mandi Bunga? >.< (I sound evil, didn't I?)

Like this girl! Someone please arrest her!

*peace sign to HZ :p

As for me, I spend a lot on make up and cloths. Just to make sure I'm in the appropriate sense of fashion (okay, that's bragging), Just to make sure people didn't look at their shoes when I'm trying to make conversation. You know, I was too wary about what people might say about me. I checked myself every five minutes. Super concious for what I'm wearing. Protected my tagged photo on Facebook. Aware of who I walked with etc etc. I hated walk into public without the appropriate figure. For me, it put a bad impression.

However, I have said Goodbye to those days. I'm glad my confidence level has stayed above it's stable line. :D

How did I gain my confidence?
Fair complexion? No
Well-treat hair? No
Perfect make-up? No
Branded clothes? No


Then What?
How you present yourself. ;) 

I was a girl that afraid to held my head high. Walked in the room with head faced the earth, bend my arms, hid my chest and unwilling to make eyes contact. But a friend teaches me,

"It's how you present yourself, that matter. If you have the charm, I mean, know well how to bring yourself in a crowd, you can be the spotlight. It's what we called, Instant Spotlight! Or kecantikan abadi."

True. I learnt confidence that way. I changed my perception, told myself to appreciate what I have instead of chasing what I want, and changed the way I portrait myself. Oh no, I didn't portrait myself to be who I wanted to be. I just, being me. :) That's cool, you know. Being yourself is cool, and effortless.

Pavilion? No. Trash-hunting! :D Earlier today. But it's cool thou!

Secret Admire (Chapter 1)

Chapter 1

Mr Sun reprimanded me warmly with his menacing smile. Its morning ray that strike through my singel panel glass window woken me up to another hopefully-bright day. I open my left eyes to survey the my surrounding. The first object I saw was, my old version computer which I got from my twelveth birthday. An old present from my Papi. The last year he was actually there for us. I spread my arms wide, yawning from remaining sleepiness. Told myself, I do better get up or I'll lose the second round. Yes, the second round. Just to think about it, I step out of my bed voluntarily. Feeling light, I walked to my computer. Turned the CPU to life, and pulled open the frezer that sit with it's pride in my tiny room to reach for a cool water. All the objects in my room is reachable. That's what I like of being in a tiny room. I don't have to walk more than ten inches. 

  I sat across the computer and reached for it's mouse. Clicked on the left section of Skype. But apparently, the person I was hoping to see is not on the line. Lose hope, I move the cursor to recommend the screen to sleep. Maybe I can try again later, I coaxed myself. Just when I'm about to clicked the sleep mode, a noticfication popped. 'One Message Received!'. My lips curled into a smile, thought I'm not sure what it's content.

My smile broaden as I saw the sender. 'Dian's Secret Admire'. Cheesy. Yes. But I like it. Like it too much, I can say. I wasn't the kind that fall in love for the classmate or hot hunk work at the Starbuck or anyone. I wasn't the kind that ever fall in love. I cannot recall when is the last time I have been in a relationship more than three weeks. This, this cliche Dian's Secret Admire somehow had make me smile upon chatting with him. 

'Morning Beautiful! :D Have you sleep well last night? Btw I saw someone left something infront your room. You do better check it out. I hope it's not boom.' I felt chilly for a while, hestate on playing this game further. Now, the secret admire is going a bit too far, ain't it? For someone who just knew me for one night, sure he is. I doubted about checking the stuff out. Considering what he have done last night, I told myself to give it a try. I appreaciated his picture of stars that he shared with me last night. I hope, at least, it's not a boom. What possibility could it make for someone who wanted to treathen me send me a pictures of sky, right? Right. 

I opened my rented room's door ajar. Still hesitating and suspicious. I spotted a McD's paper bag right in my door step. Feeling relieve as all my hesitation drifted, I picked the bag up and opened to check it's content. I smile at my finding. A large set of Double Cheese Burger. 

'Hey, THANKS! Haha I love this boom. Thought, you don't have to buy me breakfast like this. Plus, it's large set! You think Im that glutton, are you? >.

'Nahh, judging from your size... :p Haha JK. I want you to gain more weight.' 

'Grr >.< Btw thanks, again. You don't have to do this, thought. I made my breakfast already.' Lie. I don't usually open myself up to public. 

'Glass of cool water, you call it breakfast?' With this, I starled. Aware of how this annonymous know all my details, and more, what I am doing! I looked around me suspiciously, check if there any hidden camera installed in my room. Immediately, I covered my bare shoulder with my arms. Considering what I'm wearing. 

I was contend to reply. There are thousands thought in my head. Thousands logical thoughts that opposed me to reply, and a zest that urged me to do against my logical thoughts. I want to know more. The reason he send me the email, the reason he send me the picture, the reason he hooked with me all night last night, the reason he send me breakfast, the reason he target my account, the reason he know my address, the reason he know what I'm actually doing, and the reason he created the email account with my name on it ! I was terrified but I want to know the answers behind these.

Fold together my spirit, I began to type my keyboard. But just as I start my first word, a new notification was up. My eyes was smallen from focus, determination and hope.

'Dian? Did I caught you?? I'm just guessing. Remember last night you told me you were drinking cool water all this while until you got stucked on it and make it routine?' 

My mouth open in 'O' shape. Didn't bellieve that it was me actually who give him a clue. But somehow, its relive me a bit. At least, there is no hidden camera somewhere in my cozy room.

'Tell me, how do you get my address'  Wanting to know the truth. 

'Sorry. I promised to seal my mouth on the sources. Cant tell you. But hey, dont be afraid. Im not a fighter, im a lover. ;)'  That's him. Always come with this kind of words. Urgh, I hate it.

'How can I trust you? I dont even know you.'  And this is me, dazzled by him. And I hate me, too. 

'You just hv too. Im good and nice. And I'll never let you sad. :)'  My lips started to form the smile again, but my ego was against it. 

'Why would I be sad?' 

'Idk. I just dont want to be the reason, and dont allow anything invite it.' With this, my ego hurts. I smiled.

NEXT?

will be continued

first trial on english writing,

ain'w

Hello November!

please be nice and warm to me. i need a nice surveillance. i need a strong determination, to stand and cheer my brothers. to gather us as one family. 

weak-me

Being the leader of the family

I used to wake up as early as 11.00am.
I used to find ibu the first thing every morning (okay,count it morning)
I used to straight away went lepak after my breakfast
I used to reject/ignore ibu's call when I'm out (not really reject, tak perasan ibu call.cliche)
I used to go home at any time that is acceptable
I used to confine myself in my room with the internet
I used to go out only when ibu get the dinner ready
I used to eat while chatted/argued stuffs with my family, and ibu and papa
I used to make ibu and papa yelled at us
I used to hear them lectured and make faces

I used, I used..now when they are away, I fucking messed up. Fucking don't-have-a-life. I thought I do be fine. I thought we are all cool. I thought I didn't miss you these much. I thought I wouldn't freak out when Yamin cried. I thought I can handle the tasks at home. I thought our babysitter is cooler. Well God, my thoughts are obviously drifted. I miss ibu papa. I terrifyingly miss them! More sick, I'm worrying about them like 86323446834889secs per day (did I count it right?heck,I have no mood to Google).

always miss and pray for you guys,

Ain & adik adik :(

be back soon, please!

This happen to nice people, like me.

ignore the title. You probably want to close the tab now. hee


been a while since i last write. I mean, really write. Not in blog, not in Twitter. In Microsoft Word. "Where word connecting People." (Eh wrong company, dude.) Sorry sorry. Hee
So i sit here, and try to continue writing. I have multifarious (exaggerating) words in me, but all left unsaid unwrite. I typed, backspaced, retyped, re-backspaced, retyped, re-backspaced, retyped, re-backspaced (okay okayy i get it, Ain!!), but i couldn't find the right words, the right sentence (p/s: you can use this sentence when you and your boyfie are in a fight/miss each other). So what to do? I guess, just another Alt+F4. =.=

Try to write tomorrow,

hope it will come. :)

Hallmark Sad Movie: Story of Irresponsible Single Mother (short entry)

Ignore the @adtarmizi part. Just read the status I wrote. Read from the bottom
You might have to zoom this image.
Okay, don't cry. :')

With care and sympathy,

 Kak Ain 

Oh no no! You ain't enter the wrong url

I just changed my header and background! *proud proudd :D

angkat dada ala popeye

created by me. ceheee~

P/S:

'Paint' can be really pain in the ass